Wait a second, it is almost December already? Hold on. You mean Thanksgiving is only in a few days? Can I just take a second to stress that I can't believe this semester went as fast as it did? I still feel like it's August in my head right now. My body would probably tell you it definitely knows it's the end of the semester with all the stress, binge eating, and wine I've put it through though. I've spent the last two weeks sick, coughing up what feels like both of my longs. My poor body. I definitely did not stick to my fitness goals too well this semester. There's always next semester. (I really need to get in shape, but hey, New Years will be closer than ever in a month... right?)
When I reflect back to all of the assignments and projects I've done this week, I realize, man - I have accomplished quite a bit in a short amount of time. I've read almost 10 YAL books, written a reading autobiography, composed a literacy narrative, went to a conference, and taught a unit.
Yeah - I taught a unit. Do you know how scared I was to do that? I even was observed. Yeah - I did that.
It's crazy to think it is almost over, this whole college class all the time thing. Before long I will be teaching full-time - still for college credit, yes. I just enrolled in my internship last week. My brain is starting to function in a sort-of teaching mode. I didn't think it would get here, but it's just ticking naturally through lessons and activities. The whole classroom management stuff is starting to come more instinctively. The fears are easing up. However, I'm definitely not perfect. There's this underlying insecurity I feel. Sometimes, I stand in the front of the room with 10 minutes left desperate on what I can do to fill the time because I am far from a perfect planner still. I take a step back and realize, holy cow, you are speaking 45390538 miles a minute Madie. Calm down and slow down.
There's this sort of fear and excitement as I enter this next chapter of my life. I feel the pressure of the unknown all around me. I have so much knowledge and prep already completed for the challenges I will face, but it's another thing to finally put them all into practice. It's just that my mind sort of does this frantic tango where I start stressing about silly things like what the heck I am going to wear next semester since I will spend everyday dressed as a professional. Do I even have enough slacks or cute professional looks to adorn myself in for the rest of the year? I'm freaking out about pants. PANTS.
I can't really begin to describe the chaos of my brain as I think to the future. It's weird when you know that your life is going to do a front-flip, and you can't really brace your stomach for it until after you've flipped. College has been my life for five years. My part-time job has been the norm for six years. It's like I see so many question marks floating around, so many confused nonsensical thoughts, but I also feel this pang of excitement and happiness - I know somewhere in there that there's great things ahead and sometimes I really just need to remind myself of this.
Very well said, Madie. I agree that as students, but especially as students and student teachers, it is easy to get caught up in all we have going on. Time flies and before you know it, you'll be looking back on this post as a graduate thinking, didn't I just write this? I am also excited to see what the future holds and hope that with as close as our core is, we can all keep in touch in some form or another because even though I'm excited to embark on my career. I'm also a bit sad these times are ending too.
ReplyDeleteI love hearing stories of how we all are beginning to find out who we are as teachers. It is quite a process - scary and enthralling - and one I believe we'll always be developing as I'm sure that even when we enter our classrooms we will continue to grow and develop professionally throughout the years. Thank you for sharing, Madie. This was a wonderful read.
Candice
Hey Madie! I think you summed it up pretty well with how a lot of us in Core 3 are feeling right now. This semester seems to have just zoomed on by and before you know it we'll be full fledged teachers. It can be really overwhelming at times, but it's important to stay positive. With all of us going through the same stuff together we can kind of have our own support group, and it's always interesting to look and see how far we've all come, even with the little freakouts.
ReplyDeleteMADIE!
ReplyDeleteHahaha PANTS! I feel that struggle because I don't typically buy myself new clothes, so that is a habit I have started to develop. My biggest hurtle is going to be not wearing jeans everyday in the winter. I guess I am going to have to wear leggings under my slacks because this girl is always cold and the Kansas wind cuts RIGHT though slacks. And yes, Madie, tell yourself, everyday, "I DID THAT" because you did! I am super proud of you and so happy to be sharing this experience with you. As I said in response to your comment on my blog: In the mangled words of Michael Scott, "You have no idea how high [you] can fly." Fly Madie!
Madie,
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you're going through with the angst of clothes with, "It's just that my mind sort of does this frantic tango where I start stressing about silly things like what the heck I am going to wear next semester since I will spend everyday dressed as a professional. Do I even have enough slacks or cute professional looks to adorn myself in for the rest of the year?" It's a slow build of a collection of clothes I believe, and the help of Christmas and birthdays always are beneficial to get a few things to add to your wardrobe! I too find myself with that struggle, cause I enjoy wearing jeans rolled up and wearing cute tops, but I may need to layer up this coming winter with its prediction to be a nasty one!
I know it seems like time is flying this semester (maybe it's because we know how close we are to graduating?) and the amount we have and will accomplish by December is amazing yet exhausting to comprehend. Yet, we have this and its going to be an AMAZING ride and great things are sure to come our way.
Thanks for sharing!
Kassidy
Madi,
ReplyDeleteI totally relate to this post more than you know. I can't believe that the semester is almost over and we are one step closer to graduation and having our own classrooms. This is so crazy to me. I honestly can't believe it. After five years of college and working part time jobs, I think it's going to be so nice (and scary) to be in a position full time. I am so proud of the work that we have done as Core 3 candidates and I know that it will all pay off come May. Thanks for your very real post about the anxieties of this semester and going forward! You got this!
-Meagan
P.S. I also don't think I have enough professional attire, but hey, we will get there one day, right?
I just noticed the name of your blog—I love it!! Thank you for this post too, Ms. Loomis. It really captures the whirlwind of your capstone year in your professional program; you have many plates spinning, and sometimes it can be hard to prioritize, and even more difficult to not let any of them crash to the floor. I’d love to see you connect your inquiry to professional sources, and I’m sure you could find any number of resources online regarding balance and/or self-care. Thanks for your post!
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