My anxiety lately:
How can I be the best me
I can be, but still be content with my failures?
I don’t want to let my students down, but do any of us want that?
This
semester I am taking a lot of teaching classes all at once. I am classes
regarding adolescent literature, theory and practice in composition, literacy
strategies, and a methods course. I
have found that taking all these classes together right now has been very
helpful in connecting some of the same schools of thought with different texts and
strategies. Last week most of my courses were focused on questioning techniques
all at the same time. Sometimes it can be incredibly helpful to have all the
different ideas of teaching all in conversation with each other. I feel like a big
light bulb appears over my head when it all just clicks. Other times, my brain
is working so hard to connect it all that I just get so confused and feel like
my brain runs in continuous circles. Does anyone else feel like this? Like,
there’s this huge hunger of mine to be as successful and effective as I can,
but sometimes I get so confused on how I want to implement my ideas. My mind runs in circles and circles. I mean,
most of it is right there in front of my face in my textbooks and the secondary
resources, so why am I getting confused? Why do I feel myself questioning
everything? Is this healthy?
Reading
a text like When Kids Can’t Read: What Teachers Can Do helps reassure me
that not everyone is perfect though, and that I’m going to make mistakes. I
think this is honestly my favorite text from this semester. How do I build this
contentment in failure like Beers does though? She is so humble about it, but
so proactive about changing at the same time. My MT kind of helped me through
this struggle this week. She realized that using a mentor text for her freshman
greatly improved the results of her writing assignment. She told me she felt
bad that for as long as she had been teaching, she just now implemented a
strategy that worked well. She had felt like she failed all students prior. It
seems like this is something all teachers face. I think it was really inspiring
for me to see her go through this when it’s something I’m so nervous about
myself. She was able to swallow the pill, and realize she just needed to tell
her colleagues and they could all grow from it. I now realize how important
peers can be in the whole teaching process. Maybe it’s okay to make mistakes if
we grow from them, but this is way harder said than done.
As I begin planning my first small unit to
teach to a classroom of freshmen, nerves have me overwhelmed. I really want to
apply all that I am learning. I want to ask effective questions rather than ones that scratch the surface. I’ve been
taking tiny sips of what I read and slowly applying it to the classroom. Trying to ask questions in ways that promote a deeper connection to the content that really force these students to comprehend what my MT is trying to get across. I find
that it is easier to connect the reading when I do it first-hand in the
classroom. I'm really able to harness that light bulb moment better. I hope to keep sharing these connections with you all! Especially as
some of these planning processes for the unit become more concrete!
Madie, I love the realness you share. I can relate in that anxiety gets me at times too. I think we want so badly to be good and effective that we work ourselves into a frenzy. I tell myself this is common so as to not stress myself out more. Ha! Hopefully that's helping.
ReplyDeleteI think that you have it partly figured out though. Taking in small sips of information at a time will assist in not feeling too overwhelmed. You are taking several content area classes this semester. They are excellent classes, but can be a lot to take in all at once. I took Theory and Practice and Adolescent Lit in previous semesters so I can only imagine the work load you are taking on right now, but like I said before, it sounds like you are on the right track for getting a system down and staying on top of it. I commend you for doing all of this successfully. You go, girl!
I'll leave you with something a seasoned teacher told me awhile back: She said that her first year teaching she felt like she didn't teach one child. Of course, that's not true, and today she is an excellent teacher, but her point was that we all worry about the impact we have and rather we are effective or not and in the moment think maybe we aren't doing well. While it is stressful, it shows we care, and continue to strive for greatness. Keep on striving, Madie, and know that you are not alone. We can do this. We will do this. We got this!
Yes! Beautiful and true. Thank you for sharing these words of encouragement, Candice.
DeleteMadie,
ReplyDeleteYou are rocking it, even though it does seem difficult to manage everything at once! Taking all of those classes is quite a lot to balance at the same time, but they are crucial for our learning as future educators! However, you're right about Beers being a beneficial text for us during this time, it demonstrates how it is okay to make mistakes and even own up to them. My MT shared with me that for the first year of teaching, it was chaos. The second year was another attempt to figure out what else to try out within the classroom. But the third year was when everything was calm and smooth for her. Granted, this may not be us for our first years of teaching, but I think everyone's beginning story is different, and that is totally okay.
It is super beneficial that we are not alone in this process, our group is great with leaning on each other and helping one another out as we finish this final year together. We got this! (:
Thank you for this honest post, Madie. Like Candice said, the anxiety you’re feeling shows that you care. And you’re not alone in that feeling. You’re soaking up so much information regarding pedagogy and content, and it’s hard to keep it all pinned down into a manageable plan of action. Here’s something I’ve been trying when I am in the process of soaking up and synthesizing:
ReplyDelete1. Find a spot in your notebook (or Word/Google Doc) where you briefly bullet point ideas you want to definitely come back to and use.
2. Note the source of that idea, so you can easily locate further detail when you do come back to it.
3. Take one step at a time, or as you said, small sips. You don’t have to implement everything at once. Just try one new idea/technique, and see how it goes. Your list of ideas is like your Writing or Reading Territories. You’re not writing and reading everything simultaneously. It’s a space to come back to when you’re looking for inspiration.
I hope this helps. Keep up the great work, Madie!
Madie,
ReplyDeleteI don't think you should feel nearly as overwhelmed as you are. We are all there with you, buddy! If you ever feel like you can never do enough for your students, it's because you can't. But what you can do is be the best teacher of English that those freshmen have ever seen. The biggest part I think about is the fact that in a few years, we're going to have so many sticky situations and shotty moments under our belts that we'll feel so naive when we look back at our struggles from Core 3. We are going to learn so much with this internship opportunity and the best part is that we'll already have had the opportunity to get to know our students!
It's important to keep in mind that we can only do so much, but what do can with that can have a huge impact on our students. You are going to be an awesome teacher, and you need more confidence! You're really funny during class, and you're going to have an amazing relationship with your students. Just Keep Going Girl!! :)